I have remained absent from this blog for about two weeks now, the reason being I was too mentally, spiritually and emotionally drained out to muster the energy to write. But, it’s Christmas today and nothing can deter my mood – not even the fact that my house is a shabby mess (we have paint work going here…for about a month now) or that my mother is getting all fussy about me sitting here and doing this blog (or sitting in front of the laptop as she calls it). It’s Christmas and it’s time to rejoice.
Had a lovely Christmas Eve with carols and crib (which I forgot to visit L) and a soul-soothing, mind-calming, heart-warming, mid-night Mass on a cold, cold, night, when all was calm, all was bright.
But the most amazing part was that I felt absolutely good and confident about myself in public for the first time. I was happy and I was myself. I didn’t feel the need to be something else or the urge to please others or the pressure to follow others. I had been suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder and Dependent Personality Disorder. I asked the Blessed Virgin to show me her Son. I urged the infant to touch me and heal me, to fill in my heart and fill it with His joy, to take away my sorrows and give me His peace. I urged the Saviour to save me. I urged the Son to set me free. I urged the Holy Mother to intercede for me. The Lord heard me and answered my prayers. And now I feel totally relaxed and free. I am content and happy.
In all things, I give thanks to the Lord. The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall lack. In Him I rejoice. The Lord is my stronghold and fortress. I am happy because the Lord has set me free. I am a beautiful child of God. The Lord loves me. The Almighty has done great things for me. My soul rejoices in the Lord. I suffer because the Lord suffered first. I am happy that the Lord has chosen me. I am happy to partake in the miseries of the Lord. I am happy that the Lord is cleansing me through sorrows and purifying me through sufferings. Suffering for me is a school of patience. I give thanks to the Lord for the honour.